I'm too old to do it now...aren´t I?

As a guy in my mid-forties, constantly fighting a growing waistline and panicking at every ache or twinge in my body, worried that it might be THE illness that finishes me, I sometimes think that my achievements are all but over.

• I never quite learned to play the guitar yet still believe I will when I get the time
• I never quite got my black belt, managing a brown instead (in Taiho-Jutsu)
• I never fully mastered a second language although I am still learning and progressing
• I did get my pilot´s licence a few years back, probably my greatest achievement ever
  
• I never wrote my book, although I have written 5 chapters so far and have a great fantasy story for another book, but I will finish them when I get the time!!

It all leads me to believe that I still have a lot to do, yet unless my life radically changes they will have to wait until I retire. If I live to be that old, that is. And that´s what worries me, never getting that far and never writing my books. I know they are good, those friends who have read my initial manuscripts tell me they are. But will they ever be finished? Will they ever get published?

Regular readers of my blogs (and there are many blogs) also tell me they like my writings...maybe I do have something?

So, am I too old now? Anne Pool, 65 years, of Inverness, has just obtained her pilots licence. After watching the Red Arrows she decided to take up flying and within 3 years she was awarded her pilot´s licence.

Now Anne, if you can do that, I most certainly can write my bloody books (time permitting, as always). Thank you, you are an inspiration. And congratulations!

For the full story on the BBC, click here

Length doesn't matter

It's not the length the matters, but what you do with it...

...Life, do what you can...

Cooking is therapy

I like my wife. She says the opposite of what men expect a woman to say. Take this example.

It's 9.45pm. Both have just arrived home after a long day at work. Wife goes to the kitchen and starts to cook our evening meal and she turns to me and says, without any trace of sarcasm, irony or nastiness...

'I like cooking. It's like therapy for me...'

God I love this woman.

Lasting love

Italy. 6000 years ago. This young couple lay down together, embraced and died. We may never know what killed them or why they died. But we will always know what kept them together for so long.
Love.
Prehistoric love as strong as any love.

A new role for Pigeons

I saw an amazing thing yesterday. I was walking through the local park and I was stunned to see a feral pigeon pecking away at a huge, steaming pile of dog crap, so kindly left behind by the ignorant owner of some monster dog.

So why was I amazed and not disgusted? Well, I was both actually but it started me thinking. If we can train all these irritating, dirty, nuisance city-centre dwelling pigeons to eat shit, then they would have a useful role in society...

Imagine, if every time a dog shit (should that be 'shat' or 'shitted'??) on the pavement and a flock of pigeons instantly descended on it and joyously gobbled it all up the world would be a cleaner place wouldn't it?! And people like me (and not the git that left the one in the park) wouldn't have to clean up after his dog. We could even train the pigeons to respond to a certain whistle, so every time our dogs crapped, we blow the whistle to bring in the pigeons!!

Above: Smiling now but what if it had been a newly trained pigeon? Below: No fear of pigeons. Yet

But, would it mean that...

• pigeon poo turns from it's usually milky-white liquid into something more hideous altogether?
  
• would we dread being pooed on by a flying pigeon?
  
• if so, would it be worse to scatter the dog poo around in small quantities like this or better to leave dung-hills in the local park where it's easier to avoid?
• would places like Trafalgar Square become no-go zones? Clear of poo on the ground, naturally, but what about the danger from above?
• would it make the numerous city-centre statues more vunerable to corrosion?
• are pigeons named after pigs?
  

It seems that there are still quite a few questions to be answered before I nominate my plan to a local authority. Help out with your opinions. Could it work and would it be better?

Left: Tralgar Square, London. A future no-go zone for people??

Every job has it's moments...

Ferocious in Battle, Magnanimous in Victory

"If you are ferocious in battle, remember to be magnanimous in victory,"

These are some of the incredibly moving and memorable words given by the British Colonel Tim Collins on the eve of battle of the Iraq war to his soldiers...

"We go to liberate, not to conquer.
We will not fly our flags in their country. We are entering Iraq to free a people and the only flag which will be flown in that ancient land is their own.

Show respect for them.

There are some who are alive at this moment who will not be alive shortly.
Those who do not wish to go on that journey, we will not send. As for the others, I expect you to rock their world. Wipe them out if that is what they choose.
But if you are ferocious in battle remember to be magnanimous in victory.

Iraq is steeped in history.
It is the site of the Garden of Eden, of the Great Flood and the birthplace of Abraham.
Tread lightly there.

You will see things that no man could pay to see
- and you will have to go a long way to find a more decent, generous and upright people than the Iraqis.
You will be embarrassed by their hospitality even though they have nothing.

Don't treat them as refugees for they are in their own country.
Their children will be poor, in years to come they will know that the light of liberation in their lives was brought by you.

If there are casualties of war then remember that when they woke up and got dressed in the morning they did not plan to die this day.
Allow them dignity in death.
Bury them properly and mark their graves.

It is my foremost intention to bring every single one of you out alive.
But there may be people among us who will not see the end of this campaign.
We will put them in their sleeping bags and send them back.
There will be no time for sorrow.

The enemy should be in no doubt that we are his nemesis and that we are bringing about his rightful destruction.
There are many regional commanders who have stains on their souls and they are stoking the fires of hell for Saddam.
He and his forces will be destroyed by this coalition for what they have done.
As they die they will know their deeds have brought them to this place. Show them no pity.

It is a big step to take another human life.
It is not to be done lightly.
I know of men who have taken life needlessly in other conflicts.
I can assure you they live with the mark of Cain upon them.

If someone surrenders to you then remember they have that right in international law and ensure that one day they go home to their family.
The ones who wish to fight, well, we aim to please.

If you harm the regiment or its history by over-enthusiasm in killing or in cowardice, know it is your family who will suffer.
You will be shunned unless your conduct is of the highest -- for your deeds will follow you down through history.
We will bring shame on neither our uniform or our nation.

It is not a question of if, it's a question of when.
We know he has already devolved the decision to lower commanders, and that means he has already taken the decision himself.
If we survive the first strike we will survive the attack.

As for ourselves, let's bring everyone home and leave Iraq a better place for us having been there.

Our business now is North."

The Prince of Wales later wrote that he was by the "extraordinarily stirring, civilised and humane" words.

"What you said somehow encapsulated, in a brilliantly inspired way, everything that we have come to expect of our armed forces and demonstrated why, quite simply, they are the best in the world," he wrote.

This is one of the most famous of recent speeches. It has been said that George W Bush has this speech on the wall of the Oval Office in the White House.

At approximately the same time, somewhere in the Persian Gulf, on board a US aircraft carrier as hostilities commenced, its Captain blasted out Queen's 'We will rock you!' over the tannoy system to accompany the Cruise Missiles being launched on the same people...

Go on, call them!

No matter who you are or where you are, there will be somebody somewhere in the world waiting for your call.


Go on, call them. Make their day.

England in Spring, oh bollocks...

Oh England, my England. I was so happy to leave you and never return and then I see pictures like this and remember how beautiful you are.

Oh bollocks, take me back. Please. Forgive me and let me cast my weary eyes on your captivating beauty once more...


(Just get rid of the bloody dictatorial BBC TV Licence, the Community Charge, Road Fund Licences (Tax Discs) and that shite Big Brother first...!)

When Humans Have Pissed You Off Enough...

What you really need is a bit of animal love and tenderness...Priceless...